There were three now there are two

My boy, my bulldog, my Diego.... He left us today just as I prayed he would go, gently while sleeping, no pain, no fear.  His last few months were hard, yet the change really happened when he lost his kalie girl.  He just began to age and show his thirteen English bulldog years, yet his other mate Zara kept him strong.  He suffered a stroke four months prior to his passing yet that could not stop a tenacious bulldog.  He fought to keep going, strong appetite till the end.  Hard for me to watch him struggle, to keep calm in his moments of anxiety.  I chose to serve him till the end to keep him safe, comfortable, and loved.  The day before I felt it is time for me to be brave and help in cross over, calls were made and I would watch him closely to see when I felt he needed to go.  A decision I have never had to make.  On the night he passed I watched him take treats from his papa.  In life you have those printed memory moments and this surely was one of them.  I went to bed yet felt the need to go see him and give him a big kiss and tell him it's ok, it's ok to go, moma will always love you so much.    The day before, I prayed that god would take him in his sleep, as that was always my vision for the little man, he was afraid of the unknown...I awoke to see him laying in his bed, stared at his belly as I had done each morning he was sleeping, and there it was, no movement, a gentle touch and it was true, he was gone.  My mourning process had begun, I have my rituals I do, as I have lost three great loves these past few years.  I am happy he is free of his confused mind, after the stroke he was never the same, he would have moments of clarity, yet always brief, hard to watch a dog with dementia, yet as long as he had the will to live, I stayed in there with him.  Goodbye my sweet Diego, you did us proud and thank you for giving me one last gift and leaving on your own, you were brave, you did good.  Give kalie our love, try not to hump her, have a nice run, nurse on a stuffed animal, chew a good bone, get a good brushing, a nice game of tug a war, yet do your favorite thing and have a nice gaze on a beautiful view.  I was honored to share life with you, forever in my heart, your mama,  Marie.