Liz

 Liz Miller, my step grandmother has left this earth plane.  She was a strong country gal who traveled the world with my grandfather, they settled in Arkansas and built a true homestead.  Grateful for the grace and care she gave me, sending treasure of our family legacy throughout the years.  I was proud to be a part of my grandfather, for to me he was an icon, strong, smart, witty, full of life and stories and she was his love, pure hearted, kind but feisty, opinionated yet reserved at the right time, you always felt like she had a secret, always curious as to what she was thinking.  She was simple and loved the simple beauty of life.  It is magical how after a loved one physically leaves all the gifts they gave you in molding who you are are so very present. The reflection is so clear, and the honor and love you truly had for them just pours out.  The overflow of memory and gratitude.  Thank you Liz for sharing your life with me.  May all the animals you and my grandfather raised greet you on the other side.  Shine on.

Go peacefully in the night

 Writing to quite the thoughts.  Visiting my Dad, processing what he has become.  Age has not been his friend as I knew it would not be.  Lying there in his bed, unclear thoughts and speech.  I find connection in a childhood song that he can remember.  We do our best to begin to clean out a life, not knowing how long he will remain.  Praying that he goes in a peaceful dream, for I would not want to rot away slowly in a strange place.  I am haunted before sleep of memories of my life as his daughter.  He was my childhood hero, with his magic and Tv shows, the popular girl in school with a dad as Bozo, the life of the party,  my inspiration, my playmate, my world.  To grow and later see the demons he kept buried, the brain filled with all the mental dysfunction of being on the spectrum in so many ways.  I found a way to forgive his anger, his laziness, his procrastination as a true disability.  He did his best with what he had.  His best gift in life was probably just loving and being proud of me, his little girl. This is a long goodbye, a goodbye of forgiving and acceptance.  Oh how I pray he goes peacefully in the night.  For a chance to begin again, to be loved, to be healthy, to be free.  I love you daddy, you did good, thank you for all the wonder and magic you showed me.  No regrets just love.  I am forever special for you made me feel that way.  Shine on, now fly free, your little girl, Marie

Too young to go

 Another friend gone this year, too young, too soon.  Each day truly is a gift, tomorrow is never promised.  We do our best to stay healthy and alert so we may continue on this physical and only plane that we currently know.  None of us really know what is on the other side.  We can only hope that we continue somehow some way.  The true sadness for me is knowing this book does end, the chapter of being with my friend, who is now gone, has ended, yes perhaps we will meet again but it will be different.  All is forever changing and that is heartbreaking, for this moment this time will never be again.  So we must love each moment and treasure it for it is forever fleeting.   I love you Tim Craskey, thank you for loving me.  We will miss you so much.  May your soul be free and at peace.  You lived life to your fullest, said yes to everything.  I hate that you left too soon, I am sad for you, for you loved life and your friends.  May our energy always be connected somehow.  Shine on.

Au Revoir Monte Carlo

 As I leave a place of my youth… in a time that was filled with magic, dancing, performing, friends, love and adventure… I say goodbye to her, you have come along way as the saying goes.  Much of you is the same yet different as you simply have grown.  I am proud of you, who you have become, the healing and transformation you had to embrace.  Excited for where you will still go. It was rewarding to return to a time in my life that once gave me joy yet also broke my heart.  I was able to say goodbye and say thank you for all of it.  I do smile with gratitude for it happened. 

Life moves on and we cling to what was, it is bitter sweet how memories linger.  I cherish them yet miss at the same time.  Forever in our cells the never ending goodbyes as we move on creating new memories, oh the life.  It really is a feeling, are their words?  Yes but sometimes just a deep breath is all that is needed.  

Who, if any will ever read these, if you do, you know who you are. Shine on crazy diamond.

Poems of comfort in loss

 As I move through life and try to find my place in understanding the meaning of it all, death and loss and continuing on.  Two poems give great comfort, Death is nothing at all. Do not stand by my grave and weep.  We try to move on with peace and gratitude, do all our things to clean the path as we walk on.  The simple answer for me though is death shows us love and love is all we have, love is what we leave behind as we blow in the wind.