Monday, December 23, 2019

my girls

Zara Lynette Fontaine

A precious girl named Zara.  Four days has passed since you passed, it’s just before Xmas.  I struggle to be at peace, as you would be watching me make mom’s fudge, waiting impatiently for snacks.  So I write I write of your life as to never forget.

It was Halloween, we had wanted a French bulldog for sometime, as our other dogs were aging we knew now would be a good time then magically a trick or treater said her frenchie just had puppies and they were down the street, with excitement we met the litter the next day, picked out what we thought was the sweetest one and a few weeks later you were ours.  Instantly you set up your status as the alpha, thankfully our other two, kalie and Diego bowed down, yet the cat, benu, made it very clear that it was his home and his rules. AJ never had experienced a litter, we decided to breed you once.  Your stud rocket slept over a couple of nights and with puppies you became.  A perfect mom you were, naturally taking to it, raising three healthy babies, molly, dada and booboo.  Two did not survive and it broke our heart, yet no time for you to mourn as you had three babies to feed, so many precious memories of that time, you were the best mom.  You found a ball obsession and so the love affair of you and your balls began, we would have to hide them in the refrigerator as you could smell it out anywhere.  Years passed and you brought us much joy, comforting us each time we lost our other three babies.  When baby Nico came, you soon took over as a big sis, he was lucky to have you, even with your intense lessons of submission.  Not a fan of aging, you fought it, managed to keep your demanding spirit and love of your ball.  For me the part that is so hard to release is where is my shadow, my guardian, you kept your eye on me, waking me every morning, greeting me upon arrival, only napping when I settled down, my watcher.  For your papa you had your night time cuddles, a special time just for him.  We hope wherever you are you are safe and loved, we did our best to protect you and keep you out of harms way.  Your cross over the rainbow bridge was a bit rough yet that was you, doing it your way, your time, not surrendering into the night, yet sliding into heaven.  At the end you were at peace I believe.  Shine on my our sweet, demanding, precious Zara, we will be loving you all our days.

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Zara my baby

I have not posted here for some time, seems I use this site as a place to share love and loss.  Two years ago we also loss our sweet cat of eighteen years Benu, my writings of him have been in a book somewhere... and now my Zara, my frenchie of fourteen years has now crossed over the rainbow bridge.  We were not prepared as death came for her in the night, we did our best to help her survive, yet not wanting a vibrant girl to suffer, we helped her go, held her as she gave us a sweet snore, listened to the heart stop and felt the spirit release.   I fell childless as she was my shadow, treated me as one of her puppies, following me everywhere and always concerned that I would make good choices.  We do not know what happens when all is done, faith in hope that she is with me and to one day unite in the physical.  Grief, love that has no where to go, I walk on without her, stumbling to find what that means to no longer have my baby girl Zara, love does live as it transforms, but oh the longing to hold, to kiss, rips you apart.  Be happy, be safe, be you, my Zara, I will miss you all my days.