The house weeps

Realizing as I have before, the loss of my beloved love Diego... Animals are like little angels filled with love, a soul that shines bright in your home, the fibers of the wall breathe in their energy.  Now that he is gone, I feel the emptiness that once was Diego, it is so quite, it is so still.  All of us including my home miss all that he was.  I  try to surrender to Diego here in this plane no more, yet it is hard, it hurts, it is simply just empty...

There were three now there are two

My boy, my bulldog, my Diego.... He left us today just as I prayed he would go, gently while sleeping, no pain, no fear.  His last few months were hard, yet the change really happened when he lost his kalie girl.  He just began to age and show his thirteen English bulldog years, yet his other mate Zara kept him strong.  He suffered a stroke four months prior to his passing yet that could not stop a tenacious bulldog.  He fought to keep going, strong appetite till the end.  Hard for me to watch him struggle, to keep calm in his moments of anxiety.  I chose to serve him till the end to keep him safe, comfortable, and loved.  The day before I felt it is time for me to be brave and help in cross over, calls were made and I would watch him closely to see when I felt he needed to go.  A decision I have never had to make.  On the night he passed I watched him take treats from his papa.  In life you have those printed memory moments and this surely was one of them.  I went to bed yet felt the need to go see him and give him a big kiss and tell him it's ok, it's ok to go, moma will always love you so much.    The day before, I prayed that god would take him in his sleep, as that was always my vision for the little man, he was afraid of the unknown...I awoke to see him laying in his bed, stared at his belly as I had done each morning he was sleeping, and there it was, no movement, a gentle touch and it was true, he was gone.  My mourning process had begun, I have my rituals I do, as I have lost three great loves these past few years.  I am happy he is free of his confused mind, after the stroke he was never the same, he would have moments of clarity, yet always brief, hard to watch a dog with dementia, yet as long as he had the will to live, I stayed in there with him.  Goodbye my sweet Diego, you did us proud and thank you for giving me one last gift and leaving on your own, you were brave, you did good.  Give kalie our love, try not to hump her, have a nice run, nurse on a stuffed animal, chew a good bone, get a good brushing, a nice game of tug a war, yet do your favorite thing and have a nice gaze on a beautiful view.  I was honored to share life with you, forever in my heart, your mama,  Marie.

friends gather 2012

Friends gather amongst water, sky and music.  Love weaves in and out for the clan with  a bond of creative flow. Water play to cleanse and explore.  Food to feed a tribe yet they nibble for with eyes and heart of a child,  they are too excited to stop and feed.  Music plays as the muse dances, tracks are counted, it's as fierce  as a crime scene.  The beat echoes through the canyon as we call to the night with the moon watching over. Guided to the silence, we venture above and witness the stars as the pleiadians shine upon us.  Laughter engulfs the air, song fills our heart with making our dreams come true.  Moments instilled in us for no camera can capture. Some find a spot to rest while the muse chants, I am still dancing. The Sun rises we travel on and take with us happiness, love, laughter, inspiration with the remembrance that life is full of wonder and we are  blessed to witness it's glory!  Loving us and loving what is  yet to be.... Shine on you crazy diamonds!!!

Zara howl

Zara howls when she is in trouble...

Sweet Kalie Girl

Memorial video that her papa made. Forever in our hearts...

Sweet girl named Kalie...a special day would be...

My sweet girl named Kalie, a special day would be... Oh look is that a kitty?  Oh those brown eyes would gaze at me with so much sincere love and so much to see...a special day would be...a play with her benu, a chase with her diego and patience for her zara always pursued...a special day would be...A swim with Mama, a search and rescue of a tennis ball, with pride and all... a special day would be...To do some yoga and a pass through on a downward dog, an outing, friendly greeting to passing canines...a special day would be... welcoming of guest to her nest, a roll around after a warm bath...a special day would be... A leisure day with a special treat, a greenie or new bone, maybe to bury or unbury of another's bone...a special day would be... a climb up the stairs to go to bed in her room to dream of the days passed and the days to come... she was always safe and loved, and shall always be... she now is free to have all her special days... For me I am still here to forever  remember my sweet girl named Kalie.

there were four now there are three

There were four, now there are three... my sweet animals and me mourn the loss of Kalie, the sweetest Pitbull in the West. Thirteen years ago at the loss of another dog I decided it was time for a new baby, we found her in the paper at a trailer park, the last little girl, I held her in my arms and knew she was the oneyet I knew one day she would break my heart. That day is here... Three years ago she was diagnosed with diabetis we did our best to control the disease, got her new eyes and all, her health was once again failing, last year more test to rule out other diseases, all normal, so we thought. Two days ago she not doing well, her papa kept vigil by her bedside all night, hand fed liver and her favorite yogurt, in her favorite new bed, and outside as the soft night air blew... next day off to the Vet, as they carried her away on a stretcher she looked back with a sweet look as to say goodbye, drips and drugs to make her comfortable as more test were run. Off to see her during the day, she not wanting me there as she turns away, later that night to see her with her papa, again not wanting us there, one more kiss and pet, cute older dog above her with wise eyes as to say, do not fear my friend... we cried outside of the Vet as to realize she was ready to go, yet at home, feeling hope I thought she would make it through we would fight this and get a little more time. At midnight awoken by her papa to say Kalie did not make it... what I said no, as not sure if I was dreaming or what, a call I make to be clear about what has happened, it is true she if gone. I thought it would not hurt so much after loosing my Mom, yet the pain is just as bad, I thought I was prepared yet one never is. They say she went peacefully with no pain. As to their nature she was able to die away from us, a journey most animals want to take alone, yet me comforted in knowing some one was there to witness her passing... My home vacant and the walls are weeping, she is everywhere here, this is the first day without her and her world runs through my veins. I will forever miss her, those brown eyes, those soft ears and so on...my heart aches my soul weeps. Universe above carry her in your arms, she is the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, protect her and keep her safe in her new journey, I like to believe that my mom met her and helped her cross over, that she runs with Drucilla and the other babies that touched my life, that she swims, chases her favorite ball and flies with new wings. I hope to see her greet me once again, tail wagging and all... I love you Kalie dear and always will, we forever miss you, love your mom Marie, kitty Benu, brother Diego, sister Zara and your papa AJ... Kalie Miller 10.20.98 - 4.18.12