Do you hear yourself scream inside

 At times there is a scream within, either for me or past generations or the animals or the planet.  Emotions arise with no home to call, out of the depth it pours out of you.  Releasing mother pain of the provider survivor fighter, fathers pain of perfection which haunts him paralyzing him to do anything.  Finding your unique soul fighting for answers to find a quiet peace and satisfaction that all is good, release and be.  Yet sometimes there a scream within, I can hear it, calling out.  Do you?  We just want to be happy and free, so mote it be.  Always searching, always trying to understand and that in itself is enough.  Grow and be.

60 is here

 60 is here, what to do with that… crazy to think I have been here this long, grateful to continue.  Is it what I imagined?  no, no parade, no bells, just me, love in my heart, more humble, more grateful.  Oh I had visions of travel through Europe this year, promises made with another, the other gone from this life, a promise we could not keep.  Pivot move with the journey I do, perhaps slightly disappointed in friends not being closer, yet I think I always knew that, kept my distance for a reason, yet being older wanting more connection, trying to be available for more, yet not getting it… yet really ok with that as well, releasing expectations is a constant lesson, I think I get better at it.  I can rely on me, to take care of myself, to love myself, to be love, to stop fighting for more, to accept, to share, to grow.  All the things… this I have learned in my 60 years.  So happy bday to me, you did good, you fell, you got up, you forgave, forgave myself was the big one and I did.  I thank you life, I hope to get many more journeys around the Sun.  It went by fast, it can slow down now.